CalPoly Pomona sends $$

I haven't received any acceptance letters yet, but I did receive a letter from CalPoly Pomona letting me know that they're willing to hook me up with some financial aid loans. Some parts subsidized and some parts unsubsidized. I could use it to towards paying down my private loan, too. Way chill. We'll see what else develops.

"are you okay?"

On my way back from delivering a hard drive to another studio, I spotted a bum lying down in the middle of the sidewalk. I wondered how long he was lying there and how many people had already walked by. I could see that he was slowly moving his hand in front of his face, and I assumed he must be on acid or crack...

So I asked him,
"Are you okay?"
And he replied,
"Do you have a million dollars for me?"
I said no, I don't have anything.
He waved me on and said,
"just keep on walking"

Can't blame a guy for trying.

la mesa, no more

(goodbye san diego)
the day before yesterday was my last day in san diego
i didn't realize any of its importance until the night was coming to a close
its possible that i wouldn't see my friends for years
i just didn't think about it
no way i would want to dwell on that
i was just going through the motions
i don't know how i ended up where i did
i was along for the ride
to be honest, i didn't want to spend time with anyone going into the weekend. i didn't want to party.
it probably wouldn't have felt right to me.
but things went great the way they were
and then...
it's already over
gone
just like that, poof

damn man


there was no scene i wanted to create
and there was no teary good bye

i know it is never good bye
until the final good bye
i have no worries about seeing anyone again
nothing is final
traveling is easy as making a phone call
and marking a calendar


did the good times outweigh the bad?
there were good times, and there were great times
that shouldn't be a question

but to be honest, i don't think i'm going to miss that house
i just wasn't in love with it like i was with the barn
i could never seem to get comfortable
my routines were shit
i never even had a job the whole time i was there
oh wait, i did. but i threw it away like a dumb ass
gosh i was a dumb ass for that.
i wish i had 10% of foresight and knowledge i have now
the best thing to do is to live and learn

do good things

and good things will follow

right now i'm exporting scenes out of some tv shows for a client
it sure is funny how this industry works sometimes
our office is located next to an actor's studio
and also a talent agency next door
i often see kids my age with stars in their eyes outside their offices
or on lunch breaks or whatever
and i also see the greying professionals who will never get their break
so many hopefuls
so many faces
all i know is that i'm doing okay

in the middle of writing this blog, i felt my first earthquake
up here in LA
wow
an earthquake...
thats nuts man.
i can only imagine it'll get crazier with time

Amazingly refreshing

I just got back from dumping my car full of old junk at the Miramar landfill. Finally that futon is out of my life. Good times and bad times with it. It was completely falling apart by the time we were done with it. When I got back from the dump, I packed my car full of even more junk. This time it's going to GoodWill up in LA. I've got about 45 minutes before I pick my dad up from the airport. After dropping him off at the ranch, I've got to get back to the house to sell off my bed and my TV. And then I have to run back up to the ranch either tonight or tomorrow morning to take my dad back to the airport before I head back up to LA. This is going to involve a lot of driving. I'm glad I've prepared a little and got all of my stuff packed away in my car already. There's not much else I can do right now but sit and wait till it's go time.

I had some Jack in the Box about 30 minutes earlier, and I don't think that sits well in an empty stomach. I ordered 4 tacos, a chicken sandwich, and their Jr bacon cheeseburger. I plowed through the first two tacos, and slowed up on the chicken sandwich. This kind of food can't be good for me. That must be obvious. I put the rest in the fridge. Maybe someone else will be hungry when they wake up.

Hmm... not much else going on at the moment.
I hate waiting.

Countdown!

This is a timer counting down to when my plane lands in Oakland. It's been too long since I've last seen Shannon.

Quick thoughts

I don't smoke, but I will

Don't forget you miss someone

How do you know when love is real?
I'm thinking that's something you have to feel for yourself.
Nobody is going to pull out a dictionary on you.

Gosh, I really miss that girl
I've been counting down the days

Things I would change?
None but myself
Be the change you want to see in the world

A change of pace

On my lunch break today at work,

Okay oops. I just got interrupted. I had a typo on a guy's name when uploading his demo to the internet. His URL and headline both had the typo. I misspelled Jamie as Jaime. Blah! I just got it fixed though. I've been tricking out my laptop with every program that's being used in the office. I got Episode Pro and Dreamweaver today. I also got Fetch and updated my Toast. My little laptop is turning into a killing machine. I bet I'll be reinstalling Final Cut Pro eventually.

So back to my story,
I went over to Quiznos for lunch today. It's right next to the office, and I received a $50 gift card from my aunt for my birthday. I was wanting to try their honey bourbon chicken sandwich upon Shannon's recommendation. I usually order the classic Italian. In fact, I think that might be the only sandwich I've ordered from there. It's that good where I don't feel like taking a chance on anything else. I've already got my routine down. But I decided to stray from the path today and open up my sandwich world.

I also found two coupons for $2 off large subs in the office, and I decided to print my own copies of the coupon. I didn't want to steal someone's coupon. So I scanned them into a computer and printed them out. I was able to fit 3 coupons on a sheet of paper, and I neatly cut them out using the paper cutter. I could've gone the extra mile and scanned both sides of the coupon, but I decided against it since that was just extra wasted work. If I was denied the discount because of my coupons being copies, I would go back and try it the next day with both sides scanned. And with a different employee. It's bound to work sometime... it's just a coupon...

So I ordered my honey bourbon chicken sandwich, and went to check out. The Asian guy at the register told me the sandwich already had a discount, and I couldn't use my coupon. With drink and chips, the sandwich came out to $10! What kind of discount was he talking about I wonder?

I really thought I was going to be denied the $2 off because it was a photocopy and not the original coupon. Surprise, surprise. I couldn't use it at all. I'm going to go back next week and try the same thing with my usual sandwich, a classic Italian. It probably already has a discount too, but it can't hurt to keep trying. I still have $30 left on my gift card, and I might be able to lengthen its lifespan. The only thing I don't think has a "discount" on it is probably the premium steak subs that are like $9.

That's my lunch break story.
The end.

Recalling two seperate nightmares

The past two mornings I woke up relived that it was only a dream. I had two nightmares that I was able to remember rather well. I don't have nightmares that often. Atleast I don't think so, or I don't remember. So two in a row ranks well on the "shitty mornings to wake up to" meter.

The first nightmare, I was out of town and didn't know anyone around me. I was at a party with two other guys and a girl. The guys were awkward, and I didn't particularly like them. And I ended up sleeping with the girl even though I didn't consider her attractive. She was an ugly blonde girl. I was urged on by the two guys. I knew I was cheating on Shannon, but at the time, I told myself she wouldn't find out and that what I was doing was harmless. I must have been drunk. The next day at school, everyone was talking about it. Even though I was out of town, I don't know where, I knew Shannon would find out eventually. I was full of dread and regret. I didn't know how to solve my problem, and I felt like there wasn't a way to fix things. I woke up and felt really weird about that nightmare. It might have been triggered by the last phone conversation I had with Shannon before I fell asleep. Cheating is horrible.

The next nightmare, I was making out with Shannon in my car. Don't get me wrong, that part was great. But then my uncle parked alongside my car, and I thought he might spot us doing things. He ended up not seeing us though, and I realized that my uncle was oblivious. Then Shannon and I decided to go to the park nearby. It was a huge playground across from a Taco Bell. As we were going through the park, I noticed a third person following behind us. I realized that it was Amanda's brother. And Shannon had disappeared and turned into Amanda. While running through the park, I later saw Amanda peeing while standing up too. I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "what does it look like?"

I told her to stay away from me. She began chasing me while pushing a baby carriage. I pushed it back at her and told her to keep away. I ran inside a school, and I tried to find a door to hide behind. I laughed manically as I rattled each knob, hoping someone would help me through to the safety of the other side. I found a cashier's office in the school, and I went there. I asked the lady behind the desk if she was a counselor and would talk to me about my problems. She said she could, even though I knew she was a cashier and not a counselor. My first question was, "where am I?" She replied that we were in Michigan. This totaly blew my mind, because I've had no intention of going anywhere near that fucking place. I had no idea how I ended up there. As I recounted my story to the lady, a couple other people gathered around. And my story sounded familiar to them as well. "Oh, you're..." They already knew what was going on and had heard my story before! They asked me if I was actually upset since I was laughing earlier in the halls. "No! I was laughing because I was hysterical and just trying to get someone to help me." Honestly though, I couldn't make sense of it all.

I remember I tried calling Shannon to get me a plane ticket out of there. And then I remembered that I flew for free. This still left me confused on how I was in Michigan. It was like in Fight Club where the narrator finds out that he's two people. I found out that California had magically turned into Michigan overnight without me flying anywhere. It made no sense.



I woke up feeling completely stupified, and I told Shannon about each of the nightmares as best I could the next morning while I still remembered the details. That's the only way I've been able to remember anything like I have was through repeating it before. I'm glad she could laugh at it, though I hate the fact that I had these nightmares at all. It made me appreciate how I'm doing now. I don't read that much into dreams or try to dissect every little symbol or thing, but I think it's obvious what kind of things terrify me or the things I fear. Anyone in their right mind would fear an ex pushing a baby carriage. It had a baby inside it, of course.

Blog? Title?

The title of this blog used to be "thesuicidekid". I picked the title at a time when that was exactly how I felt. A suicidal kid. Now don't get me wrong. I am fully against suicide. I would never bring myself to that, and I don't see it as an answer. Ultimately I just felt trapped in a depression. And I felt like a kid because I was short sighted. I could never see past my problems. I'm wanting to get away from those feelings of helplessness. A simple blog title could change my mood as I began typing an entry. And now no more will I be thinking of typing for thesuicidekid's blog. I've got to be more optimistic. I've got to be looking up. I've got so much going for me right now.

Today I applied to a couple schools for the winter semester. CalPoly Pomona and UCLA. Engineering majors. Let's hope I get in. That would be really exciting.

It was my 22nd birthday yesterday. My golden birthday, too. Time to quit being a kid.

test

vdsvs

Falling hard

I'm smitten. I've fallen hard. I admit it. And I know how my last relationship turned out. Belive me, I know. But go ahead and tell me anyways. Remind me, sure. I'm not going to let that slow me down though. I'd rather be moved on quickly! Why slow down? And for the record, I am. I'm totally dome with thoughts of that ex. It's someone I rather not think about. I only see an ugly human being when I think of her. I don't know how I was attracted to her anymore. The inside matters so much, it's true.

And I don't want to jinx anything but everything I have right now is so real, and it feels so right. I'm not exaggerating. Funny thing is that I didn't see it coming. Shit happens, and try to be happy for others.

Two-Face makeup

Some tips and help on making yourself into Two-Face. I love the rubberband and Q-tip trick.

Check out this video: Realistic Two Face Make up : BFX



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Hey,

Actions speak louder than words. Things I need to take care of,..

find out reverse bus route
fly into Burbank, hop on bus, get home
grab car registrtion papers (binder/mail?)
clean up the mess at my aunt's house (beat her home hopefully, ugh)
laundry
Don't sleep yet
drive down to SD
get new catalytic converter (mine was stolen)
move records, desk, night stand, bed, tires, whatever
clean up garden
take care of corsica registration
give clothes to goodwill or box up
return to LA by Wednesday morning, hopefully

I'm working on making this blog more cheerful and constructive. Its not a journal for spewing negative thoughts.

Creating face

I have been completely bored of Myspace recently. It feels like stale air. I've just been absolutely bored. All week. Part of it is probably being by myself at home all day. And sitting around is just killing me. Refresh. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. Minutes, hours, and days go by. Refresh. Nothing.

Shannon suggested I make a Facebook page. It didn't take much pushing to get me to make one. Anything new is fine by me. I never made one before cause the site restricted users to signing up with college emails. I figured I would make one once transferred from Palomar. Well they've since dropped their old requirement and any email will do. Of course I don't know how to do anything on the site. But that's okay. Its something to do and mess with I suppose. Now I can refresh and check out 2 pages online when I'm bored, yay. What I found cool about Facebook so far is that it integrates Digg, Flickr, and Blogger among others. That's neat.

And wow, my day at Edit Plus started so slowly. And then I got busy as Hell. I look up and 2 hours have passed since I was last able to look at the clock... One sentence later and 45 minutes have gone by. Close to 24 hours and I should be on a plane to Oakland. Just one more day of work to get through.

just hanging on

i'm going to sell my xbox and ps2...
when i make it big, i'll buy it all again.
thank god for backward compatibility
xbox 360 and ps3 will handle that...

Edit; TESTING 1 2 3

I have an appointment

I'm hanging out at a place of dread. I know I shouldn't be scared. Or awkward, or feel anything at all... But this place gets to you. Its like the Essesence of a cemetery. Inevitable creepiness that gets into your head. I had heard stories about this place. And now I'm here myself... Its for a great cause. I should have been there for those previous...

Oh, Los Angeles.
I'm the only white guy in the room.
too afraid to look up and confirm
haha

Just keep your head down and keep on typing...
ohhh, seems like my phone makes it easier to type sideways.
It feels like a Sidekick this way!

EDIT: Omg, someone knew what I was talking about

ultra weird dream

i was on a plane ride, and i borrowed a book from riley to read while i was in the bathroom. the toilet began overflowing when i flushed it. i ended up getting his book wet, and he hated me for it. it seems like stuff always happens like that where it's not my fault. but then again, it is. be more careful. or pay more attention.

i ended up all wet as well. i ended up in my underwear and shoes/socks for the plane flight.
i dont remember why, but the crew told all the passengers that no gays were allowed on the plane. there weren't even any gay people on the plane. i don't know why they wanted it that way or were so pushy about it.

arrived at some kind of camp. i had a gun on me. i remember talking to teki, and he asked me what kind of gun i had. i knew what kind of gun he owned because it was a cheap one. somehow i found a gun on the ground and put it into my pocket. it was still visible in my pocket. i was wearing shorts. i had a gun in each pocket.

there was some fishing going on. a piece of shrapnel landed next to me as the line was yanked up. it was the piece of a plane. people were fishing for plane parts.

then i remember a team of police officers approaching me. i knew they wanted to take me in. i had two guns on me. i dont even know how i got the first gun, but it was mine. and the second gun i found. and they handled things so badly. the first guy didn't even use my name. he said something along the lines of "hey you, i want to talk to you!" Basically rude. Well, I didn't want to talk with him. he said he was letting me know that he was trying to control the situation. i told him how i felt. he was a jackass putting on a show. I wanted to talk with the other officers that were already on the camp grounds. a lady trying to run things had a really annoying voice too. i told her to shut up. i told the main officer to shut up. i could tell they were trying to inch forward. i told them to take two steps back. just shut up and take two steps back. let me talk.

i woke up before i could resolve the stand off. i remember feeling cornered... but i was standing up for myself. i was arguing with cops

California to Legalize Weed for Everyone

With enough signatures, Californians could be voting to legalize marijuana in the upcoming November election. They need 694,354 signatures by September, 5, 2008. It's totally do-able. Its been over a decade since Proposition 215, the Compassionate Use Act of 1996, was passed with over 5 million votes in favor.

read more | digg story

Finally home... away from home..

I got back from the airport around 1:30am last night.
I don't regret a thing.
The only thing I regret was not being able to stay longer.
I'm head over heels for this girl.
It's different this time. Completely different. Another world.
I went out there looking for a getaway.
And I got so much more...
She has the kindest and biggest heart. Always has a smile.
I am going to be there for her in every way possible.
I'm already in love... everything has been a rush...
She's thought ahead of me
and has the courage to speak what's lingered in my mind

I met

After the disasterous events of she-who-shall-not-be-named, Shannon offered me a vacation offer away from San Diego and southern California. I'm glad I took her up on this offer. I discovered a great girl I never would have imagined existed or was possible. Not in my wildest dreams. I have fallen so hard so quickly, and she has told me the same. Where do we go from here? As we've told each other, we have our whole lives ahead of us...

Yet another weird dream

I had returned to San Diego, and Kevin was over. He was the only one home. He was playing some remix in the DJ room, and I remembered thinking to myself "Oh great, another DJ..." I know that's how I shoudn't feel. When I went over into the other room, the music was actually coming from a cassette player and not the DJ equipment. My ipod was also there, which I had lost ages ago.

The DJ equipment had been moved and set up on top of a bench press machine. I guess it had to make room for another weight lifting machine that had been put into the room.